


You Were Supposed to Hate Him

by AngelofElysium



Category: Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: M/M, Out of Character, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 11:02:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19227865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelofElysium/pseuds/AngelofElysium
Summary: That first day after you heard the tapes it's the first  he talks to you."You probably think that I'm a piece of trash now" Justin says"I don't know what to think anymore, I'm too wrecked myself to think about other people"





	You Were Supposed to Hate Him

**Author's Note:**

> So I've fallen really hard for this ship, and recently I read the book, so I wanted to see how this ship would work with the bookish characters, I hope it's not too out of character.  
> This is written from Clay's perspective, but I wanted to experiment with writing on second person, I might have abused a little of the pronoun "you", but as I mentioned it was my first try xD
> 
> Also I don't know shit about how scholarships works in the USA, I worked mostly on assumptions here. Most of the places I mentioned here are from the book or real life places, the only one I invented was "Doris' Cafe"

Justin Foley, number one on "The List", the name that pops up again just after your own tape. 

You never thought about how much a name, just a name on the voice of a dead girl would change so many things on your life. 

Now you look at the faces of people which name appeared on that list and you can't avoid feeling hate, pity, repulsion, and disgust, for the same people that before that tapes meant nothing to you. 

That first day after you heard the tapes it's the first he talks to you. 

"You probably think that I'm a piece of trash now" Justin says 

"I don't know what to think anymore, I'm too wrecked myself to think about other people" 

"You know, sometimes I think that if I had never meet him, my life would have been totally different, and sometimes I wish I've never meet him" Justin states

The boy looks like shit, Hannah said Justin was average, but deep inside you know it's not true, even if you try to deny it you know Justin is a good looking guy, hot even, that's why so many girls were thirsty for his bones in this shitty school, but right now the boy looks like he hadn't slept well in weeks, his usually tan skin, now sickly pale, black bags under his lifeless eyes. 

"him?" you ask confused, then you understand "oh you mean Bryce, don't you?" 

"Yeah, we're not friends anymore you know? I'm not trying excuse myself, I know I did some fucked up shit, but I couldn't stand being around him after what he did on that party, I felt sick just by looking at him. Now after… the tapes I can't bare to even look at myself in the mirror" Justin laughs a humourless laugh 

You don't know why he's telling you this, you thought you wouldn't stand to even be near the other people on Hannah's list, but this guy got you hooked, you want to hear what he has to say. 

"I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, it's just I can't talk about it with people who's not on her list, I can't bring myself to talk or even face Jess for obvious reasons, and from the other people on her list I thought you were the most approachable, after all among us you were the only one who hadn't hurt her, I'm sorry" he said before starting leaving

You don't know what gets to you, but before he leaves you tell him 

"I guess you can talk to me again if you feel like it" 

You see a dim smile on his lips before he leaves. 

\------------------------------------------  
Weeks later

You've been talking with Skye, the girl starts to open up a little to you, you even got her number.  
Maybe you were too late to save Hannah, but you could still try to save this girl, or at least that's what you want to believe. She's been through some terrifying shit, maybe if you're lucky you could convince her to get professional help before things go down the way things went down for Hannah. 

But in the end it's not just her the one who needs help, Justin comes to you at least once a day on weekdays, and sometimes he even text you during weekends. What were you thinking when you gave him your number? Probably the same thing you were thinking when you told him he could talk to you if he felt like it, in other words nothing, you weren't thinking. 

Justin usually comes to you when there's no one around, when there's only you and him, probably because the topics you talk about are not something any of you want to share with other people. Anyway today you feel like going to Rosie's, but A you don't want to be there alone on a Saturday afternoon, and B Justin wants to talk, so you invite him to meet you there in 15 minutes. 

The place it's almost deserted, strange for a Saturday, but you don't care, you don't have to wait on the counter for long, about two minutes after you arrived you hear the door opening and feel someone sitting on the stool next to you. 

"Hey Clay!" he greets 

You look up at him, you notice his left cheek is kinda red

"Hey" you greet him, "what happened to your face" you ask pointing at your own left cheek

He makes a face and asks you 

"maybe we should move to a booth, I promise I'll tell you everything" 

So that's what you do, both you are now sat across each other in one of the free booths 

"So now are you going to tell me how did you get that?" you ask again pointing at your cheek

Justin sighs and begins his story 

"I tried to talk to Jessica, I approached her not so long ago, I saw her across the street and I tried to talk to her, I apologised for what happened, for what I let happen to her that fatal night, I told her how much I regret my actions, or lack of actions to be more specific. Of course she didn't take it so well, she slapped me and told me to never talk or even look at her again" Justin narrated with a small smile on his face, a bit of light back in his eyes 

"Why are you smiling? things didn't went too well, did they?" you answer

"No, but it's a beginning Clay. After all I've talked to you I decided I'm done of feeling pity for myself. I want to start doing things the right way, I want to change, I want to be a better person" 

You want to answer him but you are interrupted by a waiter

"are you ready to order?" the boy said with a monotonous voice 

You look at Justin and ask him 

"Have you ever tried the Chocolate Malteds?" 

"No, I haven't" answers Justin 

"Well, let's fix that" you said to him, then you look at the waiter and said "please bring us two Chocolate Malteds" 

The boy took your orders and goes away. 

"let's celebrate your change of attitude, it's on me" you say to Justin 

He only gives you a small smile 

The waiter comes back with your orders, and both of you start drinking your Malteds

"This shit is really good" Justin declares smiling a full smile for once

You smile back

"I knew you'd like it" you say 

"I didn't even knew they have these" he says 

"Honestly I didn't either, my mom suggested that I order one some weeks ago" you didn't mention it was while you were listening to the tapes. 

"YOUR MOM?!" Exclaimed Justin

"Yes, Justin, my mom" 

"does she comes here?" he asked still surprised

"She used to, according to her this place has been here like forever" you answer 

"your mom is awesome" he says

You smile, you couldn't agree more 

"Yes, she is" you say  
\--------------------------------------  
Weeks later 

Some weeks after that afternoon at Rosie's with Justin, you finally convince Skye to look for professional help, you're texting her sitting on one of benches around the school patio, when you feel someone sitting dropping themselves at your side

"I think I'm done with girls" you hear a very familiar voice by now

"and why is that Justin?" you ask 

"Are you kidding?, my relationships had been a roller-coaster of happy moments and fucked up shit, mostly because of myself though, but yet. I don't feel like going through that again, at least not in the foreseeable future" 

"so what are you going to do from now on?" you ask

"I'm planning to concentrate on Basketball, and trying to get my grades up if I want to apply for a sports scholarship,... and I was kind of hoping you would help me with some of my classes, maybe?" Justin proposes

"Justin you're a senior, I'm a junior, we don't have the same classes" you say

"I know that Clay, I'm not an idiot, but I also know that you are a really smart guy, probably the smartest I know, you even have some advanced classes, please, I don't know other people who can help me with this" Justin pleads 

You can't resist his puppy eyes. God, when did this guy became so important to you? You were supposed to hate him, don't you? Well surprise you don't hate him, not even a little bit. 

"Okay Justin I'll help you" you give up

"Yes!" he exclaims happily and hugs you 

He seems to realise what he's doing quickly, because he pulls himself away quickly, you feel your face hot 

"I'm sorry, I got carried away" he says embarrassed 

"don't worry" you answer equally embarrassed.  
\--------------------------------------  
A month later

By now it's kind of common to find Justin at your house, when he's not studying with you, he's studying with your dad, or even your mom who joins your study session sometimes to explain Justin some terminology. Justin grades had been on the rise, and the boy looks a lot healthier than the weeks after the tapes, nearly as the old Justin, but not completely, you know none of you will be the same after the tapes. 

"Finally done!" exclaims Justin just after finishing the last exercise on his assignment 

"That's great honey, dinner will be ready in 15 minutes, do you want to stay for dinner?" your mom asks Justin

"I don't want to be a burden, ma'am" Justin says 

"oh! don't be silly, you are always welcome here sweetheart" your mom says wholeheartedly 

"Then, I'll accept your offer ma'am" he says

"that's what I want to hear" she says 

"Clay your family is awesome" Justin whispers to you

You smile in agreement

\--------------------------------------  
Some months later 

Justin received some acceptance letters, but it's New Hampshire University the one that offered him a Complete scholarship if he played for their men's Basketball team. Justin couldn't been happier, you both along your parents all went to celebrate at Rosie's, Chocolate Malteds for everyone. You secretly promise in whispers to Justin that you both will get some beers later.  
Nothing could erase the smile on his face.  
\--------------------------------------  
A month later

Justin is leaving in a week, and every time you think about it your heart aches. You want to deny it at first, you don't want to admit it to yourself, but you know you've fallen for him, and you fell really hard.  
Maybe that's why you texted Justin to come see you, even when it's this late in the evening. 

You're waiting alone in the backyard of your own house. Justin arrives 10 minutes later. 

"What do wanted to talk about Clay?" he asks

"Nothing in particular, I just wanted to see you, after all you're leaving in a week" you smile, but it's a sad smile 

"you'll miss me Jensen?" Justin teases 

"Yes, I'll do" you answer with sincerity 

Justin face looks confused, then he smiles and throws his arms around you, you hug him back.  
You feel brave and do something you want, even if you are afraid of the consequences. 

Why do Justin have to be so tall? You stand at the tip of your toes, you stick with your lips to his. 

Justin doesn't responds at first, but after a moment he starts to move his lips over yours, you follow his lead, slowly the chaste kiss becomes a French kiss, your tongues playing with each other, exploring and recording each new space. You broke the kiss, you're both out of air. 

Justin is smiling, a big happy smile. 

"You're one of a kind Clay" he says 

"I- did you liked it" you ask

"No, I didn't like it, I loved it" he answers 

"but you're leaving in a week" you say hugging him, hiding your face in his chest 

His right hand runs through your hair at the back of your head to the base of your neck in a repeated caress. 

"I promise I'll come back for you, if you wait for me, if you still want me, when I come back I promise I'll make you the happiest boy on earth" he says softly 

"I'm not a boy anymore" you protest 

"My bad, if you wait for me I'll make you the happiest man on earth" he rectifies 

You look up to give him another kiss, he catch your lips midway. That's all the confirmation he needs, you'll wait whatever time necessary if that means you can call Justin yours forever afterwards.  
\--------------------------------------  
Almost a year later 

You broke your vow, you don't wait for Justin, you go get him. A year has passed and you missed Justin, like flowers miss the sun, okay that was too cheese, but you really really miss him, you crave for him, like a fucking drug addict. 

During Justin absence you try to bury yourself in your studies, but it doesn't always work, so when you feel like taking, going to Rosie's, or just hang out with someone who isn't your parents, you go to the only kind of close friend you have now, Skye Miller. Yes you have Tony too, but the girl had become closer to you during the year, she's got a good therapist, her therapist helped her come to terms with her depression, and they're working to get her out of that hole. Your company had helped her a lot, and it kind of make your decision of leaving to Hanover, New Hampshire a lot more difficult, but Justin is there and you know that if you don't see him for another month you'll get crazy.  
Still you tell Tony to help her, befriend her if possible, or help her to meet new people. You also did your part, mostly unconsciously though, but it still counts. You usually meet Skye at the Monet’s Coffee Garden and Café, the girl you had that Carpentry workshop class is the one who usually serves you, the casual way in which you and her talk so casually sometimes calls Skye attention and she starts to join your short, but amicable conversations, you later found out that they exchanged numbers, and text each other constantly. At least you helped Skye make a female friend, or maybe something more, you feel like something might be going there, but you didn't want to ask, no matter how curious you are. 

Even if you had to say goodbye to Skye, you promise you'll stay in contact, you'll call her and text her. But you have to do this, Justin is your main aim and hell if you are gonna miss the target. 

Your parents think your decision is kind of odd, you got a lot of acceptance letters, but you decided to go to one of the farthest universities, Dartmouth.  
It's going to be painful to be so far away from your parents, but you are resolved, nothing will change your decision. 

Your mom comes to your room one night, a week before you leave, she just sits in your bed hugging you, you hug her back, both of you cry silent tears. You don't know how much time you stay like that, but your mom finally let go of you, she wipe her tears away and look at you directly in the eyes. 

"Sometimes I forget you're not a child anymore" she says and kisses your forehead "but you gotta do what you gotta do, go get your man" she winks at you, before getting up leaving the room. 

You're kind of surprised that your mom knows the reason behind your decision, but you suspect that you've always been an open book for your mom, she has always known you better than anyone, sometimes even better than yourself. You're going to miss that, but you remind yourself that you're coming back when you finish college, and you are certain you'll bring Justin back with you when that happens.  
\--------------------------------------  
Some weeks later 

You made all the arrangements with anticipation, your parents helped you with the accommodation and expenses for the first months. They insisted on paying for your accommodation, even when you told them it wasn't necessary, your scholarship covers all your tuition, and they even gave you some money for a few expenses but it's not nearly enough to pay for all your meals and other expenses, so you'll need to find a part time job to cover all of your expenses anyway, but that's okay.  
You only hope you still got time to spend with Justin and not die from sleep deprivation.

You arrived a couple of weeks before classes start, so you have time to settle down, after you got everything in order you decide to go explore the city, well actually you hope to find Justin around the city, but anyway you want to get to know the city too.  
After two long hours wandering around downtown you decide to text Justin, you're not going to reveal him you're here, yet, but maybe if you know where he is now you can surprise him. 

What are you doing? - Clay 

I came downtown to Doris' Cafe, for a cup of c and maybe something sugary - Justin 

If you are not wrong Doris' Cafe should be two blocks away from your current location, so you start walking, anticipation taking the best of you, your fingers are trembling, but you managed to write another text

You're cheating on your athlete strict diet? - Clay 

Yeah, I kind of slip sometimes, but don't judge me you love coffee yourself, don't you? - Justin 

Yes I do, and I'm not judging you, as long as you don't cheat on me I'm okay - Clay 

I only cheat with my food and drinks, I would never cheat on you, I dream about you every day and night - Justin 

When did Justin became so cheese? You smile. You enter the coffee shop, Justin is seated alone in one table, with his back towards the entrance, you walk slowly towards him 

"I hope that's true, I don't know what I'm capable of if you betray me Justin" you say from behind the man 

He turns around surprised, he gets up and hugs you so hard you think he wants to cush you. 

"I missed you like crazy too, but I need my bones in one piece honey" you tell him 

"I'm sorry" he says pulling away a bit, but his arms are still around you

"Hey Justin!" you say casually, like you haven't been craving to see Justin face for about a year

"Hey! What are you doing here?, Don't take me wrong I'm happy as hell, but…" he starts

You stop him by kissing him, the kiss is short but passionate, like if you wanted to dissolve all those months of missing one another with that simple kiss. 

"I'm living here now" you say

"What?" he asked confused 

"I decided I couldn't wait for you, so I came to get you, college was just an added bonus" you answer

"Wait you're here for college? Of course you already graduated, don't you?" 

"yeah, I was valedictorian" you say

"of course you were" he says smiling o  
Proudly, then he asks "you came to New Hampshire, like me?" 

You know he's not asking about the state, but the college

"Dartmouth actually" you answer 

"of course you'd go Ivy League" he rolled his eyes mockingly, but you know he's actually really proud of you

You hear a small laugh, you see the girl behind the counter trying to contain herself, she's probably fangirling about you both right now.  
\--------------------------------------  
A week later 

That first week there, you end up rolling in his bed more than once, and it's not just sex, sometimes you just lay there looking at each other like there's no one else in the world. 

You don't have a formal relationship yet, you know Justin is not prepared for that just yet, after all his previous relationships had been kind of traumatic, and you know even the relationship with his parents was never the best, he has a lot of issues, but he's good, and you'll be there for him whenever he needs you, you will wait until he is ready to call you his boyfriend, or whatever name you want to call what you have, but what matters is the feelings, and of that you are sure, you love him like no other, and you know he loves you back. You don't need anything more, you're just happy to be with him. 

One day, after a particularly intense session of sex, he caress your face and looking at your eyes he makes a promise, a vow. 

"I'll never leave you, you're the one, I don't want to fuck up this, I want to be with you forever, and as long as you want me I'll never leave you" 

You smile

"I'll always want you, Justin. Of that I'm certain" you state  
\--------------------------------------  
Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
